christmas spirit

margy:  (while multitasking) have....have a....

meg:  a holly, jolly christmas?

margy:  ho ho ho, bitch

hug?

phone conversation...

meg:  john. do you need a hug?

john: no

meg:  i'm going to give you a really long hug when i see you tonight

john:  don't do that 

meg:  just a big ole hug!!

john:  no, meg. bye. 

(john hangs up)

solitude aka attitude

meg:  do you missssss me?

john:  no. i like to be by myself; i like solitude 

meg:  are you saying i am not peaceful?!

john:  yes. you can come over if you don't say anything. 

meg:  that's easy, i can do that. 

john: no.

so cute

my father and i for thanksgiving:

her face!

the relationship with my mother accurately summed up in one photo:

nope

margy:  i need the recipe for lentil soup 

meg:  lentil soup? that's gross

john:  she eats that stuff for about 2 weeks

meg:  disgusting. how do you survive ?

john:  well i don't eat it

meg:  do you need your daughter to come take care of yooooooooou?

john:  nope. nope. nope. 

john:  nope. no. 

meg: jesus, john! could you say "nope" any more times??

john:  nope. 

halloween

meg:  how do i look?

margy:  you look fine. it's halloween.

meg:  halloween is next week, mom!

margy:  hmmmmm.

quiet time

meg:  I saw this really cute video of elephants--

margy: (interrupts me) this living room is a place of silent reflection

meg:  i hate you

margy: i hate you, too 

2 mins later

margy:  what were you saying?

meg:  this is a place of silent reflection

margy:  fuck you

margy:  what were you saying? we can talk now

john:  margy, let her be! this is nice

meg:  JOHN!

raisins

meg:  i have to pee

margy:  did dad offer you one of those raisins?

meg:  he did, but i have to pee so i can't put anything in my body until i expel the urine

margy:  get off my fucking couch

okay

john is watching an italian tv show he loves..

meg:  john! mom abandoned me in the living room!

john:  (no response)

meg:  i'm going to have a banana with peanut butter

john:  (no response)

meg:  i shit my pants. 

john:  okay. 

meg:  ....!

margo

meg:  why didn't you ever go by "margo?"

margy:  i went to high school with a girl named margo and didn't like her. 

meg:  well that was roughly 50 years ago so we can get over that. 

margy: roughly. 

few hours later...

meg: I think i'm going to call you margo from now on

margy:  meg, fuck off 

tomatoes

john:  i'm making BLTs for lunch. you want one?

meg:  no, thanks. we are going to brunch. 

(john starts to walk away)

meg:  but save me some of that homegrown tomato! 

john:  well...i'm not saving the good ones. 

oh. that

meg:  i don't know if you know this, but the mighty ducks one and two are now available on netflix. you're welcome. 

margy:  i don't think i know what that is. 

meg:  mom! the movie with emilio estevez?!  only my favorite movie from childhood?! that we rented and watched over and over?!?

margy:  oh. that.  

drunk

i have just returned home from a friend's wedding and i'm drunk but had the forethought to inform my father other people were spending the night at his house. (my mom is away on business.)

meg:  (loudly run up the stairs and swing john's bedroom door open)

meg:  (loudly) JOHN!  are you awake?!

john:  mmmm

meg:  daddy!  i'm drunk!  

john:  i know

meg:  julia and Alex are spending the night!

john:  ok

meg:  daaaaaaaaaaad!  i am sooooooo drunk

john:  go away

father's day

a best friend of mine is in the car with my father while we transport things to another best friend's wedding location...

lauren:  happy father's day!

john:  thank you!

lauren:  what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

john:  (scoffs) whatever i want!!

lauren:  ......

oh john!

bra hat

john: i am going to do laundry later

meg: can you add my bra to the white/light load? i'll leave it out for you. 

john: ok

meg: my boobs are so big, you could wear it as a hat...

...pause...

john: no thank you

coffee

john:  i made you two cups of coffee

meg:  you are a dream. i'll probably only have one, though. you make it super strong. 

john:  i didn't make it as strong today so you can have two

meg:  what if i only want one?

john:  you look like you need two.  

front door

i get to my parents' house, knock on the front door and it's locked.  i call my dad's cell phone...

john:  hey! 

meg:  hey!  do you want to open the front door?

john:  no. 

john:  ...but i will 

(hysterical laughter, hangs up)

john is laughing SO hard, I can hear him outside on the front porch. 

 

peep show

when we drive to visit family, i wear comfy clothes in the car and change when we get to our destination.  this was at the tail end of a 3 hour drive, made only by my mother and i, to my cousin's eagle scout ceremony...

margy: let's find a bathroom for you to change in

meg:  i don't need a bathroom; i can change in the car

margy:  ...in the parking lot of a church with a bunch of boy scouts watching?

meg:  ehh it'll give them a show.  it's not like they'll see it again for awhile

(pause)

margy:  let's find a bathroom

meg:  i don't want to stop! 

margy:  what about a starbucks?

(my iphone suddenly makes an appearance)

meg:  sold! there is one 0.4mi away.  

margy telling the story to her younger sister:

 

hashtag

margy:  you know what, meg? we aren't very social in the morning

meg:  well that's annoying

margy:  well you're annoying 

meg:  hashtag rude

margy:  hashtag fuck off