oh. that

meg:  i don't know if you know this, but the mighty ducks one and two are now available on netflix. you're welcome. 

margy:  i don't think i know what that is. 

meg:  mom! the movie with emilio estevez?!  only my favorite movie from childhood?! that we rented and watched over and over?!?

margy:  oh. that.  

drunk

i have just returned home from a friend's wedding and i'm drunk but had the forethought to inform my father other people were spending the night at his house. (my mom is away on business.)

meg:  (loudly run up the stairs and swing john's bedroom door open)

meg:  (loudly) JOHN!  are you awake?!

john:  mmmm

meg:  daddy!  i'm drunk!  

john:  i know

meg:  julia and Alex are spending the night!

john:  ok

meg:  daaaaaaaaaaad!  i am sooooooo drunk

john:  go away

father's day

a best friend of mine is in the car with my father while we transport things to another best friend's wedding location...

lauren:  happy father's day!

john:  thank you!

lauren:  what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

john:  (scoffs) whatever i want!!

lauren:  ......

oh john!

bra hat

john: i am going to do laundry later

meg: can you add my bra to the white/light load? i'll leave it out for you. 

john: ok

meg: my boobs are so big, you could wear it as a hat...

...pause...

john: no thank you

coffee

john:  i made you two cups of coffee

meg:  you are a dream. i'll probably only have one, though. you make it super strong. 

john:  i didn't make it as strong today so you can have two

meg:  what if i only want one?

john:  you look like you need two.  

front door

i get to my parents' house, knock on the front door and it's locked.  i call my dad's cell phone...

john:  hey! 

meg:  hey!  do you want to open the front door?

john:  no. 

john:  ...but i will 

(hysterical laughter, hangs up)

john is laughing SO hard, I can hear him outside on the front porch. 

 

peep show

when we drive to visit family, i wear comfy clothes in the car and change when we get to our destination.  this was at the tail end of a 3 hour drive, made only by my mother and i, to my cousin's eagle scout ceremony...

margy: let's find a bathroom for you to change in

meg:  i don't need a bathroom; i can change in the car

margy:  ...in the parking lot of a church with a bunch of boy scouts watching?

meg:  ehh it'll give them a show.  it's not like they'll see it again for awhile

(pause)

margy:  let's find a bathroom

meg:  i don't want to stop! 

margy:  what about a starbucks?

(my iphone suddenly makes an appearance)

meg:  sold! there is one 0.4mi away.  

margy telling the story to her younger sister:

 

hashtag

margy:  you know what, meg? we aren't very social in the morning

meg:  well that's annoying

margy:  well you're annoying 

meg:  hashtag rude

margy:  hashtag fuck off

bunch of dicks

margy:  do you see now why it's important to worry about your blood pressure?

john:  i do. that's why i go to the gym every day. 

meg:  that has nothing to do with old age and blood pressure!

john:  yes it does.

(john walks away)

meg:  he's so stubborn. 

margy:  good thing no one else in the family is stubborn! 

meg:  i know!

margy:  i was talking about you! you two are just a bunch of stubborn dicks. 

cleaning the kitchen

margy is in the kitchen cleaning the cabinets and making a pile of things to donate to goodwill. i am standing against the back door holding items i don't want her to throw out. 

she puts a cupcake pan back in the cabinet. 

meg:  maybe i'll make cupcakes

margy:  (while smiling) i'm cleaning my kitchen. it took me 2 days to go through all these cabinets and i have 3 left so get the fuck out.

5 minutes later...

meg:  look! you're done! so now i can bake cookies. 

margy:  no you're not so get out of my fucking kitchen. 

my view from against the back door holding a serving tray:

the serving tray in all it's (hilarious) glory: