raisins

meg:  i have to pee

margy:  did dad offer you one of those raisins?

meg:  he did, but i have to pee so i can't put anything in my body until i expel the urine

margy:  get off my fucking couch

okay

john is watching an italian tv show he loves..

meg:  john! mom abandoned me in the living room!

john:  (no response)

meg:  i'm going to have a banana with peanut butter

john:  (no response)

meg:  i shit my pants. 

john:  okay. 

meg:  ....!

margo

meg:  why didn't you ever go by "margo?"

margy:  i went to high school with a girl named margo and didn't like her. 

meg:  well that was roughly 50 years ago so we can get over that. 

margy: roughly. 

few hours later...

meg: I think i'm going to call you margo from now on

margy:  meg, fuck off 

tomatoes

john:  i'm making BLTs for lunch. you want one?

meg:  no, thanks. we are going to brunch. 

(john starts to walk away)

meg:  but save me some of that homegrown tomato! 

john:  well...i'm not saving the good ones. 

oh. that

meg:  i don't know if you know this, but the mighty ducks one and two are now available on netflix. you're welcome. 

margy:  i don't think i know what that is. 

meg:  mom! the movie with emilio estevez?!  only my favorite movie from childhood?! that we rented and watched over and over?!?

margy:  oh. that.  

drunk

i have just returned home from a friend's wedding and i'm drunk but had the forethought to inform my father other people were spending the night at his house. (my mom is away on business.)

meg:  (loudly run up the stairs and swing john's bedroom door open)

meg:  (loudly) JOHN!  are you awake?!

john:  mmmm

meg:  daddy!  i'm drunk!  

john:  i know

meg:  julia and Alex are spending the night!

john:  ok

meg:  daaaaaaaaaaad!  i am sooooooo drunk

john:  go away

father's day

a best friend of mine is in the car with my father while we transport things to another best friend's wedding location...

lauren:  happy father's day!

john:  thank you!

lauren:  what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

john:  (scoffs) whatever i want!!

lauren:  ......

oh john!

bra hat

john: i am going to do laundry later

meg: can you add my bra to the white/light load? i'll leave it out for you. 

john: ok

meg: my boobs are so big, you could wear it as a hat...

...pause...

john: no thank you

coffee

john:  i made you two cups of coffee

meg:  you are a dream. i'll probably only have one, though. you make it super strong. 

john:  i didn't make it as strong today so you can have two

meg:  what if i only want one?

john:  you look like you need two.  

front door

i get to my parents' house, knock on the front door and it's locked.  i call my dad's cell phone...

john:  hey! 

meg:  hey!  do you want to open the front door?

john:  no. 

john:  ...but i will 

(hysterical laughter, hangs up)

john is laughing SO hard, I can hear him outside on the front porch.