peep show

when we drive to visit family, i wear comfy clothes in the car and change when we get to our destination.  this was at the tail end of a 3 hour drive, made only by my mother and i, to my cousin's eagle scout ceremony...

margy: let's find a bathroom for you to change in

meg:  i don't need a bathroom; i can change in the car

margy:  ...in the parking lot of a church with a bunch of boy scouts watching?

meg:  ehh it'll give them a show.  it's not like they'll see it again for awhile

(pause)

margy:  let's find a bathroom

meg:  i don't want to stop! 

margy:  what about a starbucks?

(my iphone suddenly makes an appearance)

meg:  sold! there is one 0.4mi away.  

margy telling the story to her younger sister:

 

hashtag

margy:  you know what, meg? we aren't very social in the morning

meg:  well that's annoying

margy:  well you're annoying 

meg:  hashtag rude

margy:  hashtag fuck off

bunch of dicks

margy:  do you see now why it's important to worry about your blood pressure?

john:  i do. that's why i go to the gym every day. 

meg:  that has nothing to do with old age and blood pressure!

john:  yes it does.

(john walks away)

meg:  he's so stubborn. 

margy:  good thing no one else in the family is stubborn! 

meg:  i know!

margy:  i was talking about you! you two are just a bunch of stubborn dicks. 

cleaning the kitchen

margy is in the kitchen cleaning the cabinets and making a pile of things to donate to goodwill. i am standing against the back door holding items i don't want her to throw out. 

she puts a cupcake pan back in the cabinet. 

meg:  maybe i'll make cupcakes

margy:  (while smiling) i'm cleaning my kitchen. it took me 2 days to go through all these cabinets and i have 3 left so get the fuck out.

5 minutes later...

meg:  look! you're done! so now i can bake cookies. 

margy:  no you're not so get out of my fucking kitchen. 

my view from against the back door holding a serving tray:

the serving tray in all it's (hilarious) glory:

isn't it

meg: we are too much alike

john: weeeeell I guess

meg: it's because i'm adorable, isn't it

john: (changes the subject)

maybe

meg: Carin's bridal shower is next weekend so you have to be gone from 11-6

john: pshh that's fine

meg: what are you going to do?

john: don't worry about it!

meg: what are you going to do!

john: visit my girlfriend (chuckle chuckle chuckle)

meg: is your girlfriend's name bill jaycocks?

john: ha I'm not queer!

meg: so you're hanging out with bill?

john: maybe

hey john...

margy (from the backseat): hey john, on the way home, I suggest meg drives.

john: no. 

margy: hey john, on the way home, I suggest meg drives.

john: she tailgates

margy: she may tailgate. even when she's tailgating, she's safer than you

john: (starts huffing)

jesus

meg: take a photo with me 

john: look at my white hair 

meg: you look like jesus

john: i am. 

about your age

margy: I don't know if I told you this, but I have a young woman about your age who is taking my class. She's about 30 with a few kids...

meg: Mom! Around my age?!

margy: Well 27...30. 

meg: Mom! I'm 26!

margy: It's all the same

nope.

While walking down hallway at my grandmother's assisted living home...

john: you need some more exercise

nana: nope. 

john: stretch your legs. Doesn't this feel good?

nana: nope. Here's my door

john: you don't want to walk down the hall?

nana: open my damn door.