halloween

meg:  how do i look?

margy:  you look fine. it's halloween.

meg:  halloween is next week, mom!

margy:  hmmmmm.

quiet time

meg:  I saw this really cute video of elephants--

margy: (interrupts me) this living room is a place of silent reflection

meg:  i hate you

margy: i hate you, too 

2 mins later

margy:  what were you saying?

meg:  this is a place of silent reflection

margy:  fuck you

margy:  what were you saying? we can talk now

john:  margy, let her be! this is nice

meg:  JOHN!

raisins

meg:  i have to pee

margy:  did dad offer you one of those raisins?

meg:  he did, but i have to pee so i can't put anything in my body until i expel the urine

margy:  get off my fucking couch

okay

john is watching an italian tv show he loves..

meg:  john! mom abandoned me in the living room!

john:  (no response)

meg:  i'm going to have a banana with peanut butter

john:  (no response)

meg:  i shit my pants. 

john:  okay. 

meg:  ....!

margo

meg:  why didn't you ever go by "margo?"

margy:  i went to high school with a girl named margo and didn't like her. 

meg:  well that was roughly 50 years ago so we can get over that. 

margy: roughly. 

few hours later...

meg: I think i'm going to call you margo from now on

margy:  meg, fuck off 

tomatoes

john:  i'm making BLTs for lunch. you want one?

meg:  no, thanks. we are going to brunch. 

(john starts to walk away)

meg:  but save me some of that homegrown tomato! 

john:  well...i'm not saving the good ones. 

oh. that

meg:  i don't know if you know this, but the mighty ducks one and two are now available on netflix. you're welcome. 

margy:  i don't think i know what that is. 

meg:  mom! the movie with emilio estevez?!  only my favorite movie from childhood?! that we rented and watched over and over?!?

margy:  oh. that.  

drunk

i have just returned home from a friend's wedding and i'm drunk but had the forethought to inform my father other people were spending the night at his house. (my mom is away on business.)

meg:  (loudly run up the stairs and swing john's bedroom door open)

meg:  (loudly) JOHN!  are you awake?!

john:  mmmm

meg:  daddy!  i'm drunk!  

john:  i know

meg:  julia and Alex are spending the night!

john:  ok

meg:  daaaaaaaaaaad!  i am sooooooo drunk

john:  go away

father's day

a best friend of mine is in the car with my father while we transport things to another best friend's wedding location...

lauren:  happy father's day!

john:  thank you!

lauren:  what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

john:  (scoffs) whatever i want!!

lauren:  ......

oh john!

bra hat

john: i am going to do laundry later

meg: can you add my bra to the white/light load? i'll leave it out for you. 

john: ok

meg: my boobs are so big, you could wear it as a hat...

...pause...

john: no thank you